Monday, May 7, 2012

That's Flattering, but I Don't Think So

This post isn't meant to sound arrogant. My observations are based on what people tell me, oftentimes without any prompting on my part. This also isn't self-deprecating, or wailing on a system that's been the way that it is for too long. I'm just responding, and critiquing myself against society's "ideal" as if comparing two pieces in the same genre or era of art. And I'm really good at that, considering I've been in the art studies field for over 5 years now. That said, here goes.

I went to a fashion show a few days ago. Some outfits were neat, most of them I wouldn't wear, and for the most part they were interesting. Totally unrelated to what I wrote above, I find it interest to see aspiring fashion students dress up for a fashion show, as if to prove that they belong in that atmosphere, and others choose not to and just soak up the experience.

Now related, while watching the models walk down the runway I thought about how they're literally supposed to be walking statues, androids if you will. Mobile mannequins that are supposed to make your outfits look good. I admired the models that had more attitude and personality, but didn't distract against the clothes. It was a breath of fresh air when compared against most of the other models (were they less experienced?) that had the same dead expression and walked slightly tilted back as if their walk cycle overcompensated for gravity.

Other thoughts that played through my mind had to do with people within the last year or so suggesting that I should try modeling. Of course I'm flattered when someone says it, but I never really take it to heart. I don't fit in with that world. I can't take it seriously, and I can't imagine living my life so out of my control that my body is regulated by someone else's wishes so that I make them and their product look good. The closest I ever came to making an effort was opening an account on, which I rarely check anyway.

On a more practical note, however, it wouldn't be wise to use me as a model. Besides the fact that I'm at least 3 inches too short to even be considered for a runway model, I imagine these clothes are meant to be produced for and consumed by a wide audience. Clothes made for my body type would not achieve this. The different areas of my body contrast each other so much it's silly:

  • I have a small frame, duh.
  • Most of weight (visually as well as physiologically) is in my bottom half.
  • Though my torso is relatively small, and I'm as developed as I was in 8th grade, I've got defined shoulders. Actually from neck to waist I'm shaped like a man, plus boobs.
  • My hips and thighs put me up a size more often than not, but there's no clear definition between my wait and hips, visually. It's because the measurements in my hips go up in depth b/c of my butt as opposed to width.
  • Luckily the weight in my butt rides high, and doesn't settle (like the classic white girl Tear-Drop Shape), nor does it appear heavy and come off as fat. But to accommodate, my thighs are wider and taper to my slimmer calves and ankles.
  • And my feet are just eh. Wide weird and unattractive.
  • But I've got a good face!

lol, again, not self deprecating, just comparing. I'm happy with who I am and how I look, and if I get and stay in shape I can look good for a while yet. To compensate for my less than ideal stature, one nice fellow a few nights ago suggested I look into doing print ads. I can just see it now: me posed and happy in a nice sundress for a Kohl's sales mag that you all get in the mail and then throw away, making all other middle-aged women jealous of my figure. Hahaha. No but srsly. I guess if a reliable person suggested it and got me a legitimate gig (and was hassle free for me), I'd try it out.

Who knows where the future will lead!?!?

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Don't Worry

I gained clarity this week from a word search app that I play during my brief bouts of down time. Since I'm the only one that plays it I'm always trying too beat my own high score, but I was forced to slow down this one time. At the end of this particular session I had three words left that I realized summed up my "religious views:" let, god, & lie.

Let. God. Lie.

I don't like getting into discussions about religion, or politics, which it's why I'm posting it here instead of on Facebook. I'm making a statement, that's all. Take it or leave it. I don't want to get into a big debate about what I post. That said, I don't like to easily assign to labels about my beliefs, or lack thereof. So every once in a while when I do have a discussion about it, at the end the person says "Okay, so you're atheist." I just say Sure, why not? and I think Whatever it takes for you to wrap your head around the way I live my life.

I'm just not convinced. None of the beliefs sound plausible or likely. And there's been no evidence in my life for them, just conditioning by other people just like me. So I just don't think what believers believe is real, but no one can say YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY WRONG because none of us know for sure. But you can bet your sweet buns that I'm not gonna live the rest of my life on the shakey grounds of Maybe and What If. I'll live according to what's here, and I'll be a decent human being to others, try not to ruin my life, and glean some happiness along the way.

The word search summed up my opinion of others practicing religion. Let god lie. I can't tell anyone not to believe in something else, not to feel that there's something more to this world. Our existence is our perception of the world around us, and that's a part of some people's existence. I would like, however, for religious fervor to calm the hell down.

The proclamation of a god was a way to explain The Unknown, which was almost everything around us. As we started to explore the world and figure out the phenomena around us, like the sun, this god was responsible for less; at least, he was supposed to be. Religion swiftly became a measure of control over those who were less educated. It made money for a government and established a sub-nation that encompassed existing official nations; we call this organized religion. It was used as an excuse to sail off to unknown places and take over land from savages and call their religious practices wrong, when they they just weren't as developed and far less corrupt than this Christianity. Religion was a validation, a confirmation of the affirmations of those who were dissatisfied with what they had in life, or couldn't get what they want and thus sought out elsewhere. As western democratic government developed away from the controlling hand of God and who he ordained to be leaders and rulers, the god became more "personal."

Throughout all of this the god has been a comfort to the uncomfortable.
You were born poor? Don't worry, you'll be rich after you die.
Feeling like you're alone and no one knows/cares that you exist? Don't worry, the big guy who made you alongside the natural course of biology in your mother's womb watches over you and loves you just as much as he loves the next guy.
Feel like you're going through the motions and the day to day isn't worth living sometimes? Don't worry, all you need is love, and that heaven place is gonna be bomb, when you die.
You aren't a good person, and feel bad about it sometimes? Don't worry He doesn't judge and will love you no matter what, until you go to hell, if you go to hell.
Don't know what to do with your life and you're kind of just drifting? Don't worry, the maker of all things made you with a plan for your life. Just go with it, you don't have to put much thought into living.

Let God lie.
Live life as if you don't know what's going on, because none of us do. Don't really have a driving passion? So what, there are plenty of necessary mundane jobs that need to be filled. And it's okay to have them. There doesn't have to be something more. This world is interesting and confounding enough without all the added madness. Store God with science fiction. He'll still get a following that way. And like I said before, I feel this way about all religious beliefs, Christianity is just the loudest and most obnoxious one, taking up the most space, ruining lives with its meaningless implementations.

I want to believe that a rational generation is budding who won't conform to conditioning and feel like it's necessary to carry this dead horse. But a lot of the kids these days getting face time are dumber than before. Oh well. I'm resolved to deal with what comes up. Change has to come eventually, even if the masses are stubborn the whole way.